Sex Ed Before Bed

The Other Breakup: We're Grieving Friendships And Nobody Talks About It

Sex Ed Before Bed Host Bex (she/her) is in the hotseat for the first time ever, interviewed by her sister Izzy (she/her) on another taboo topic: friendship breakups.

Timestamps

• 0:00 Cold open
• 3:30 Coming out late, building a queer community
• 9:42 Pursing love with a friend
• 12:00 Girlfriend breakup, crew breakup
• 15:44 The stories we tell ourselves and friendship ideals
• 18:10 Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) and cognitive distortions
• 24:53 Transmuting pain into art
• 30:00 Accepting what is
• 33:00 Closing

Topics we discuss:

• Coming out and building community
• Role that queer families play for newly out folks
• Romantic relationships within a friend group
• Friend group ruptures in the wake of breakups
• Role of compounding factors in coping with loss
• The role of rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) in grappling with loss 
• Accepting the loss and moving forward

Books

• The Other Significant Others by Rhaina Cohen
• Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson
• Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen or End Any Relationship by KC Davis

Tools

• Thought Record exercise to combat distorted thinking

Research

• The Lesbian's Experience of Friendship by Jeanne Stanley pgs. 43-44
• Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria definitions from ADDitude and the Cleveland Clinic
• The lived experience of rejection sensitivity in ADHD - A qualitative exploration PLoS One - Published January 2026

Theme song: "Rise and Shine" by Audiobinger, sourced from the Free Music Archive. Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0.

Finding Queer Community as an Adult Through Sports, Art & Organizing

In this episode, Bex (she/her) is joined by Aislin (she/her) and Stella (she/they) to discuss what queer community means, how to find and build inclusive spaces, and the challenges of representation in the arts and athletics. They share personal stories, insights, and shoutouts to local queer organizations making a difference.

Timestamps 

• 00:00 - Introduction
• 04:30 - Defining Queer Community
• 12:15 - Toronto’s Queer Community & Inclusivity
• 21:00 - Queer Identity & Representation
• 29:40 - The Importance of Organizing
• 39:50 - Challenges in Queer Spaces
• 48:30 - The Role of Art & Performance in Queer Culture
• 56:10 - Lifting up the Queer Community in Real-time
• 1:04:15 - Community Shoutouts

Where to find us

• Bex @sexedbeforebed
• Aislin @queerrunclub & @architectaislin
• Queer Run Club - Weekly Saturday runs & coffee meetups

 
• Queer Jock Night
• Queer Mingle Events 
- Black and Indigenous-run meetups for the lesbian, non-binary, trans and queer community

Theme song: "Rise and Shine" by Audiobinger, sourced from the Free Music Archive. Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0.

 

The Sexual Assault Prevention Program That's Actually Working

1 in 5 university-enrolled women will experience attempted or completed rape. Rape is one of the most underreported crimes - 10% are reported. 

A world without rape. A world where sexual violence is rare. This is the goal of Sara's work on Flip the Script, a new Canadian sexual assault prevention program for young cis and trans women to assess, acknowledge and act. This episode is a must-listen for every parent and every young woman. 

We talked about how the program works and the positive impact it has had so far. We talked about how young women want to have these conversations about setting boundaries, understanding coercion and pondering what pleasure looks like for them. 

We also talked about radical self-love and for women, trusting our gut! 

Resources 

• Globe and Mail Article 
• Draw The Line 
• Loveisrespect.org
• Sexual Assault Centres Near You 

Sara's Work

• Insta @girls.resist
• Twitter @girls_resist
• About Flip the Script
• Sexual Assault Resistance Education (SARE) Centre

Theme song: "Rise and Shine" by Audiobinger, sourced from the Free Music Archive. Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0.

Why Sexual Attraction Fades — And What To Do About It | Dr. Jessica Maxwell

With great attraction comes great sex, forever, right? Not so much. 

Dr. Jessica Maxwell studies relationships and sex for a living. With Canadian roots, she's now an assistant professor at the University of Auckland. I learned things from her that I started applying to my own life as soon as the conversation ended.

Topics of discussion

• Sexual fixed mindset vs. growth mindset
• What factors play into long-term relationship satisfaction? 
• How often are people having sex?
• Who else is thinking about how often people are having sex?
• A neat quiz to tell your partner what you want in bed (or out of it)
• The Orgasm Gap 
• What's the best way to meet someone we're compatible with? 
• How scientific are dating apps? 
• Double standards & myths 

Fun Stuff

Sex preferences quiz | Mojo Upgrade 

List of researchers Jessica mentioned along with media coverage of their work: 

• Terri Fisher | LA Times | Who lies more about sex, men or women? 
• Sam Joel | The Cut | It's All Too Easy to Ignore Relationship Dealbreakers
• Amy Muise | Science Daily | Couples who have sex weekly are happiest 
• Lindsey Hick | Global News | Are you lying to yourself about how much sex you need in your relationship? 

Theme song: "Rise and Shine" by Audiobinger, sourced from the Free Music Archive. Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0.

 

 

What a Township Tour in Cape Town Taught Me About Sex, Shame & Culture

In 2019, I traveled to South Africa and Namibia. While visiting Cape Town, I went on a Township Tour with Lele Mbinda and visited his hometown of Langa just outside Cape Town. Lele opened my eyes to not only how people live day to day in Langa, but also how sex is viewed by adults and youth. Heads up that this episode includes a discussion about rape. 

We talked about the following topics as they pertain to Langa Township: 

• the intersection of poverty, class, race, intergenerational differences and culture in how residents talk or rather, do not talk about sex
• the many obstacles to speaking openly about sex and asking questions
• dating for young people 
• the impact of menstruation on young women
• lack of awareness regarding harassment and rape
• suggestions for how to move forward and create more open dialogue 
• local perspectives on LGBTQ folk 
• STEM programming for youth
• The iThuba Project

Learn More 

The iThuba Project

 

Lele's Website

 

Episode Sources

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Langa,_Cape_Town

https://www.westerncape.gov.za/general-publication/teenage-pregnancy

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-45889366

https://hivhealthclearinghouse.unesco.org/library/documents/sexuality-education-south-africa-three-essential-questions

Theme music: "Rise and Shine" by Audiobinger, sourced from the Free Music Archive. Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0.

 

 

 

 

Can We Forgive People Who Commit Sexual Violence?

Jessica Ruano is the director of The Ghomeshi Effect, a dance-theatre performance about sexual violence and the legal system in Canada. 

This interview stayed with me long after I stopped recording. With the proliferation of #metoo narratives in the media, this conversation is a much-needed dissection of sexual violence from several vantage points. Jessica doesn't give quick and easy answers, instead, she approaches this murky issue meticulously, using stories and research to punctuate her points. 

Together, we grappled with these questions and more: 

• What kinds of people commit sexual violence?
• Are there good people and bad people? 
• Is it possible to reconcile our perception of a "good" person with something horrible they've done?
• Is it possible for someone who has raped someone else to atone for it and/or be forgiven? 
• How much do we want to exclude people who have committed such acts and with what goal in mind?
• Can or should a guilty person be brought back into a community? 
• Does ostracizing the guilty help the problem? 
• How common are false rape accusations, really?
• How can art heal survivors? 

Links

The Ghomeshi Effect

Hannah Gadsby's Nanette Trailer

Ottawa Coalition to End Violence Against Women

Theme music: "Rise and Shine" by Audiobinger, sourced from the Free Music Archive. Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0. Edited for time and volume. 

Male Sexual Trauma and Hope for Healing

A fascinating discussion with Rick Goodwin. Rick is at the forefront of Canadian programming for men who have experienced sexual and/or physical childhood abuse. The statistics and the impact are alarming to say the least. Rick relays two decades of experience in a concise way and we still found time to talk about #metoo, Netflix, the US military and more. 

Timestamps 

• 0:34 Intro — Rick Goodwin & Men in Healing
• 3:13 How the Men's Project ended and why male survivors feel invisible
• 4:03 The scale of the problem: 1 in 6 boys, 3 million men across Canada
• 6:26 Why men wait 35 years on average before seeking help
• 8:02 Trauma's downstream cost: addiction, incarceration, social harm
• 9:02 Trauma and the criminal justice system
• 11:57 Shame, grandiosity, and Western masculinity
• 16:23 How Me Too has affected male clients
• 19:49 The Three Steps of Emotional Integrity
• 28:07 On forgiveness

Topics

• When men experience trauma, how long do they tend to keep it secret?
• What is emotional integrity and why are more men interested in it now?
• How is #metoo impacting male survivors of sexual violence?
• How do ideas about Western masculinity foster a sense of shame for men?
• How does trauma impact the lives of men and the people around them and what can survivors do to start healing?

Links

Men and Healing

1in6

The Bristlecone Project

Theme music: "Rise and Shine" by Audiobinger, sourced from the Free Music Archive. Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0. Edited for time and volume. 

5 Experts Answer Your Questions About Sex, Pleasure & Women's Health

Sex Myths Uncovered is a panel I was asked to host in Toronto. If you ever wanted to hear a complex, nuanced, high-level conversation about sex politics, this is it!

A groundbreaking, funny, frank conversation from five very distinct, brilliant vantage points. We asked the public to submit questions in advance and answered them on air. 'Twas awesome!

Sex Myths Uncovered will unbox the mysteries, misunderstandings, and curiosities surrounding women’s sexual health. The conversations explore both the physiological and the psychological, with voices from the medical community, sex work activism and sexual health education. Panelists will share their experiences from the Toronto sex community and beyond, opening up the discussion with the audience at the end for a Q&A.

Panelists

Veronica Kazoleas, M.A, Founder of The Nookie // Veronica Kazoleas, M.A. is an award-winning social psychologist and former healthcare executive. @thenookieshop

Allison M. Dalby, RN, MN-NP (candidate) // Allison has worked in sexual health throughout her nearly nine-year career as a Registered Nurse.

Claire AH, Matchmaker, Sex and Dating Coach/Educator, Disability Advocate // Claire AH is a matchmaker for Friend of a Friend Matchmaking, working with the Toronto LGBTQ+ community and the entire Hamilton population. www.ClaireAH.com Instagram: @claireahhhh

Ducky Doolittle, Sexual Assault & Violence Intervention Counselor & Pleasure-Based Sex Educator // Ducky is a Sexual Assault & Violence Intervention Counselor and a pleasure-based Sex Educator. @duckydoolittle 

Shriya Hari, Sexual Health Promoter/Community Based Researcher // Shriya Hari is an experienced community based researcher and sexual health promoter based in Toronto Ontario.@shareyournuance @asaaptoronto @kshyamasattic 

Theme music: "Rise and Shine" by Audiobinger, sourced from the Free Music Archive. Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0. Edited for time and volume. 

 

What We're Getting Wrong About Poly - A Sex Therapist from the Community Weighs In

On this episode, I partner with Vanessa and Maggie, hosts of 21 Questions, to speak with revered sex therapist and social worker, Angie Gunn. 

Angie addresses our questions about polyamory, also known as consensual non-monogamy, ripping apart misconceptions about people who practice it and how they practice it. She also shares the dramatic life events that led her to this profession and lifestyle. 

Hear tidbits on:

• the myriad ways consensual non-monogamy is practiced
• the discrimination polyamorists face
• establishing what you need from a relationship and how to set boundaries
• control and ownership in monogamous culture
• poly culture as primarily white and middle class
• how monogamous folk can be kinder to the poly community

Work with Angie

Theme music: "Rise and Shine" by Audiobinger, sourced from the Free Music Archive. Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0. Edited for time and volume. 

Sexual Self-Esteem and Tantra

Sofia Fortin is the founder of the Happy Vagina Project. Her mission is to create connections between the art of sex, feminine woo woo and unleashing your inner awesome. Sofia is a certified sexuality coach and sex educator who is inspired to help women and men reconnect with their inner spark and reignite their love of life and their relationships. 

 

During this enlightening chat, Sofia breaks down what tantra actually is (it's not what you think) and she answers an important question: Does improving your sex life and raising your sexual confidence ripple outwards to other areas of life? 

 

Sofia answers this question through her own rocky road to sexual self-discovery. Her story will make you wonder if your sexual self-esteem and habits are at a 6 when they could be at a 10 and some tactics for finding your peak. She also talks about how new moms struggle with changes to their sexuality. 

 

Sofia offers coaching services for women and couples worldwide, you can learn more here. 

 

The theme song is Rise and Shine by Audiobinger. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Audiobinger/~/Rise_and_Shine_1696